My brother, Chris.

Chris is one of the most admirable people I have ever known if not THE most admirable person I know. He is not only my brother but my best friend and role model whom I look up to. I have sought advice from him so much through out our lives. He’s a good listener but can play it tough and shut me up in an instant. He makes me think and want to learn and be a better person. He has helped me extend my mind beyond the blocks I have created around it. He is sturdy and stubborn. He knows who he is and what he believes in and won’t waffle for a second. He is strong, courteous and courageous. I have watched him become a man of good character which is something most guys these days would beg to have but would fall short of in a rat race. He is honest, peaceful and good hearted. Piece of advice though... I wouldn’t punch his buttons if I were you! I have been notorious for being his biggest button pusher. Sure... I’ve known him his whole life... I definitely feel like I would be the expert of knowing what his buttons are and am a definite pro at hitting them on the head. However, if anyone else were to push his buttons or push anything about him I feel I might have to do a little bit more than push theirs... That means total inhalation of your brain if you say one ugly thing, or lay your pitiful hand on him! See the thing is... I can pick on my brother and its sort of okay... I mean really it shouldn’t be okay at all for me to pick on him but back in the day I made it okay. Here’s the rest of the unwritten rule of sibs... If someone else were to come along and mess with him, man, I don’t care who you are... I don’t care if your big, little, smart, stupid, the kid next door, Terrel Owens, The queen of england, the pope or whoever! I will literally kick your asssssssk me how hard! I’m not even joking so don’t for a second think that i’m joking. I have a few references I could give you if you think I wouldn’t have the guts nor the strength. Now back to being proud of my brother. He has done things I don’t know that I could have ever done or accomplished. He has made sacrifices and has had the will power and determination I feel I lack. My brother is the best of me times 100 and he could beat me out of a comedic battle if put to the challenge. He could out wit and out think me in any scenario. But don’t dare expect any such display in public. He is both modest and humble both very honorable things. Not to mention he is full of raw talent and has the capacity to learn things very quickly and with ease. He is the determined sort. When he puts his mind to something there is nothing stopping him. Me on the other hand have a need for lots of pushes and shoves and basically need someone to hold my hand constantly. My brother is very intellectual. I tell him constantly I don’t know what I’d do without him and that is the truth! I am not the most intelligent being especially in regards to facts. I am definitely on ‘a need to know basis’ type person and he is a ‘know everything on the face of the earth and its existence’ type person. All that to say he is super smart and when I have a question about anything especially in regards to history, politics or the Bible he is my go to man. I don’t want to put him on the spot with a bunch of people... He doesn’t know everything but he sure knows a lot more than I do and I would say he’s a genius in his own right. We have definitely had our ups and downs, misunderstandings, disagreements in life and don’t always see eye to eye on different subjects but usually its things that are so petty to the big picture they don’t even come close to matter. We have had our issues and have actually fought on rare occasions but nothing has changed our friendship. I’ve been gone awhile... And it hurts to be so far away and distant. Yes there is a reconnecting point that is hard to reach but our history is so deeply rooted. That’s where we start. Our roots... Only way to grow from the roots is up. I am so glad to have a brother who cares about me, who loves me and wants the best for me. We’ve all gone through a lot in our family. We’ve all had very hard times both collectively and personally. I’ve watched my brother through every circumstance and he has always shown himself to be noble. Though its been hard for him at times he has always made it through troubles, disappointments, sad times and heartaches. I couldn’t be more proud of who he is. Of course I’m so proud of what he’s accomplished with his life thus far and I can’t wait to see what is in store for him to come. But its not the physical accomplishments I’m truly proud of... Its not his edu, his job or his busy schedule I find myself being proud of though I am proud of those things. Its his heart. Its him. I’m just proud of him. And the only reason I need to be proud of him is because he is my brother. I am proud of my brother not because of what he does. I am proud of him because who he is! Chris, I know most people who read this may not understand what i’m trying to convey but I want you to know I am proud of you. I’m proud to be known as Chris’ sister. I’m proud that you are who you are. I’m glad you follow Christ. I’m glad you know who you are. I’m glad you’ve come so far... But putting all things aside... I am just so stinking proud of you! I love you! You Are the BEST! Triumph!

I’m distressed by your petty arguments, your frivolous acts of rage, your aimless desire to scream. Do you not have any meat on your bones? You talk foolishly about others and continue pointing your finger but never live up to your own troubles. You seem to be haunted by a desire for attention, for drama and always needing to be right. I am sad for you, I pity your arrogance, your soul mourns and smells of soot. You’re the walking dead. It is hard to watch as you crumble. Your wrinkles from anger, your illnesses from bitterness, your tired ways from selfish deceit. I’m sorry for you. I’m sorry for your life as it is not the real life worth living. I pray you will take this in love and not measure it to my own struggles for this is not a comparison of evil intent. I am fully aware of my ways and where I am wrong in them and I easily would admit them to your face. This is my concern for your heart and well being. I care for your spirit deeply and know your heart cries out for change. I want to understand because I know that is the only way to love but will you be still and give me the chance? To busy making a point, to busy being enraged. Will you give a moment for breathing, for life, for the hand of love to touch your brokenness? My selfish desire is to see you fall only to see justice rise... But I am wrong in that. When I turn my face toward the Lord He gives me sadness for you. He gives me prayer for you. He helps me embrace your pain and brings compassion to my heart for you. I want to know, I want to understand, I want to see victory and freedom in your eyes. This sad day I hope not to remember... I hope it to be eclipsed by God’s empowering love. I hope the faults and lies to be conquered by the word of the Lord and turn ashes in to beauty in a moments time. Turn your eyes to Him, allow Him to show you peace, joy, hope, faith and love. You can only get it from Him. He is the only way you can be transformed. Give Him the light of day, give Him the opportunity. Stop hiding your face from Him. Stop hardening your heart! Be desperate before Him. He is the only one that can save us from our selves!

I was writing in my personal, electronic journal (that’s what we shall call it) about a pet peeve I have acquired that has sadly and undesirably helped me to grow reluctant to give ear towards certain types of people. A personal hardship I have seen in many a man’s life. It is saddening and alarming and a bit unnerving. It brings distress to my heart and makes me want to give up when I see the enemy overcoming a life and in turn harming others. As I was writing a tad bitterly of my personal pet peeve(rabbit trail: as I’ve grown in number I have learned I actually have pet peeves... I used to think I didn’t... Which I may have not at the time) I decided I should pause, take a venting break and seek the Lord. In my search for a specific verse that I have yet to find I ran across this passage below and found my strength to overcome within and pray for the poor souls that are being conquered right now.... And my own soul to not be overcome by such deceit as well. I desire humility in writing all of this knowing I am not above anyone who struggles with my peeve and understanding the spiritual warfare significance in things. It is possible I may one day share the furry, unpleasant pet fiend in which I have grown very not fond of but for the moment I think it best to leave in peace with a praise on my lips for God in thanking Him for teaching me His ways and helping me in my own struggles in which I am a possible peeve to another.

In Him,

Ash

Psalm 37

Of David.

1 ^[a^] Do not fret because of evil men

or be envious of those who do wrong;

2 for like the grass they will soon wither,
like green plants they will soon die away.

3 Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

4 Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

5 Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:

6 He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when men succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.

8 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
do not fret—it leads only to evil.

9 For evil men will be cut off,
but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land.

10 A little while, and the wicked will be no more;
though you look for them, they will not be found.

11 But the meek will inherit the land
and enjoy great peace.

12 The wicked plot against the righteous
and gnash their teeth at them;

13 but the Lord laughs at the wicked,
for he knows their day is coming.

14 The wicked draw the sword
and bend the bow
to bring down the poor and needy,
to slay those whose ways are upright.

15 But their swords will pierce their own hearts,
and their bows will be broken.

16 Better the little that the righteous have
than the wealth of many wicked;

17 for the power of the wicked will be broken,
but the LORD upholds the righteous.

18 The days of the blameless are known to the LORD,
and their inheritance will endure forever.

19 In times of disaster they will not wither;
in days of famine they will enjoy plenty.

20 But the wicked will perish:
The LORD's enemies will be like the beauty of the fields,
they will vanish—vanish like smoke.

21 The wicked borrow and do not repay,
but the righteous give generously;

22 those the LORD blesses will inherit the land,
but those he curses will be cut off.

23 If the LORD delights in a man's way,
he makes his steps firm;

24 though he stumble, he will not fall,
for the LORD upholds him with his hand.

25 I was young and now I am old,
yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken
or their children begging bread.

26 They are always generous and lend freely;
their children will be blessed.

27 Turn from evil and do good;
then you will dwell in the land forever.

28 For the LORD loves the just
and will not forsake his faithful ones.
They will be protected forever,
but the offspring of the wicked will be cut off;

29 the righteous will inherit the land
and dwell in it forever.

30 The mouth of the righteous man utters wisdom,
and his tongue speaks what is just.

31 The law of his God is in his heart;
his feet do not slip.

32 The wicked lie in wait for the righteous,
seeking their very lives;

33 but the LORD will not leave them in their power
or let them be condemned when brought to trial.

34 Wait for the LORD
and keep his way.
He will exalt you to inherit the land;
when the wicked are cut off, you will see it.

35 I have seen a wicked and ruthless man
flourishing like a green tree in its native soil,

36 but he soon passed away and was no more;
though I looked for him, he could not be found.

37 Consider the blameless, observe the upright;
there is a future ^[b^] for the man of peace.

38 But all sinners will be destroyed;
the future ^[c^] of the wicked will be cut off.

39 The salvation of the righteous comes from the LORD;
he is their stronghold in time of trouble.

40 The LORD helps them and delivers them;
he delivers them from the wicked and saves them,
because they take refuge in him.