the "i" is too big in being sick.

Being sick is no fun... But it gives you a lot of time to rest, sit around and literally do nothing. However there is always a bit of room for creativity... though creativity suffers a bit through the congestion of the sinuses. Sore throats are the worst. I’ve gone through an entire box of kleenexes since last night. This does not include the box I am currently working on right now. The only thing good about being sick is forcing yourself to stay hydrated. I like water. I like hot, steamy lemon water... Occasionally with honey. I made and drank green tea and added honey... It was nasty. I put way to much honey in it for sure. I learnt that dark chocolate is actually a natural cough suppressant... Well.. I actually don’t remember if it suppresses the cough or just help soothes it but it does something of the sort. Any chocolate is good chocolate in my book.

I think a lot. And I feel my thoughts go off on so many rabbit trails that I can’t remember what I was thinking about 5 seconds before. Its crazy. Sometimes its easier to not think so you can remember than to keep thinking and try to remember. Yeah I had to read that again too.

I just found a spider on my blanket. It was a small-medium sized one. I usually just let them roam about... They eat other bugs I don’t like... So I usually don’t squish them unless I feel it necessary/threatened. This time I felt threatened so I must confess I just squished the little guy between my index finger and my thumb. I know its a sad thing but it was his life or mine (being bit). I’m sure he lived a good life.

Right now I am sad because I think my mom is sad. We were supposed to have this big Thanksgiving bash with all the extended family... But due to me and the 2 youngest sibs being sick chances are we won’t make it... Yet once again. If I could get better in a day I would do whatever it takes to do it just so we wouldn’t have to miss. This always seems to happen too. There is always something that comes up and ruins a good plan... Or so it seems.

I’m still home. I love being home. Its good to be home. But when you know you’re supposed to be somewhere else, your bags are unthoroughly(if its not a word it is now) packed and you’ve done all you know to do to try and get there. Still learning. Still growing. I’m glad though. I’d be more worried if I were still here without the learning and growth.

So many lessons, about emotion, patients, listening, obeying, loving, searching, being, praying, grace... The list just continues yet more simply it all boils down to Jesus. It doesn’t matter where I am or what I’m doing... All that matters is that He loves me! Oh how He loves me and I love Him!

Its hard... The feeling like you’re being judged. Everybody knows what that’s like. Its strange because you think if people didn’t like it they wouldn’t go about in doing it, yeah? Hmm... Also its not that you necessarily hear people saying anything but it seems you can sense it or feel it. Its not a very good feeling. Why are people... Especially Christians always out to get each other? Life is not a game. Its not a competition. Aren’t we supposed to be in this together? Aren’t we supposed to be loving? Aren’t we supposed to be living out the great commission? Why are we more apt to be a part of the great omission?

I just boiled a heap of water. Now I have another large mug of lemon water to enjoy. Again. I just want to feel better.

I’m finding its actually a good idea to be careful when writing while ill. My brain is so squeezed from congestion its hard not to speak without thought first. When you feel like crap sometimes you talk crap. Not a win win situation.

I’m still in the race! I’m not giving up! It doesn’t really matter what it looks like.... The challenges I face will be over before I know it. One day I will look back after the tears to laughter and just smile and be able to speak just as I can in the trials of God’s amazingness. Sometimes when the odds are stacked against me I feel less venerable and more usable. Though outwardly I feel as if I’m at the impossible end, inside I feel unstoppable. Now to channel my inward thoughts and feelings outward? Nope... These last words haven’t made much sense. I don’t know how to describe what I’m really trying to say I guess.

Mmm... Lemony...

Art is a beautiful thing. My hands want to create what my brain sees but its hard... My ounce of creative blood is just like my thoughts.... So fast that I can’t keep up! 100 miles per hour! One idea is there and gone to the next before I can even start on the one before that!

So honest moment here. I really want to make up a new catch phrase and see how far I can take it. I’m mean we’ve all heard, “its on like donkey kong”, “sweet action”, “groovy”, “mega tight” and “that’s what she said”... But I’m totally ready for something new and possibly quite unique. If I figure this out will you help to spread it like butter on dry toast?

When life give you lemons... Make hot lemon water to sooth your sore throat.

-Ash

Okay, so sometimes i actually read through Yahoo "news stories" (if that's what they should even be called).

Well today I got adventurous and decided to go international (of course)! I went to Australia's yahoo page... which I actually didn't do very much while actually in australia previously only because the internet was pretty slow and the page usually wouldn't load in time before my curiosity got bored... oh well.

Anyway, I found an article about food brands from here (USA) that didn't quite make it very well over there(Aus). We all know that anything that says “food” grabs my interest so here we go...

Before i start I'd just like to say that the US and Australia are 2 totally different places. They both have awesome people, fun places and different food choices. Honestly its the same within the States too. Our food is totally different region to region as well as our style, our manors and the way we interact with each other.

And remember while reading this... it is strictly food and not personal... And i’m not comparing what one place has or doesn’t... and those who know me well know I'm a big foody and have yum opinions on food. Take it with a grain of salt. BAhahaha (get it)

Here's the site to check out the Oz article:

http://au.lifestyle.yahoo.com/food/galleries/photo/-/8267178/food-brands-that-failed/8267179/

Now...

Here's my view on it:

1. Krispy Kreme: Okay, so I absolutely love Krispy Kreme. Its probably a good thing there isn't one very close to my house because I can almost promise if the "HOT" sign were on I'd be in there so fast I might run you over, or karate chop you or something that requires great skill to get you outta muh way. The last time i had Krispy Kreme i went with my family on a whim one night. The "HOT" sign just happened to be on... yeah... we got some... and they disappeared(into our stomachs). I seriously downed mine so fast i wondered if I had actually eaten them or if it was just a dream. Since the Krispy K bidness in Aus isn't so hot I'm wondering how often they actually turned their "HOT" sign on.

2. Starbucks: An American staple! You can't go a mile without seeing a Starbucks. In fact most American's can't seem to go a day without their starbucks coffee. I admit... I love me some coffee and have found myself to have been an addict at one point in my lifetime. Starbucks has always been there for me when I was on break from work around the corner and wanted a little pick me up or if I just wanted to hang out with a friend or 2 and grab a cup of joe... or 2. I usually drink my coffee thick, strong and black... but when at Starbucks I can't go wrong with a mocha or a peppermint mocha (a seasonal favorite in which I surprisingly learnt a couple years back is served all year round) . My only thought for why this big name franchise here didn't make it over there is I reckon they just aren't as big of coffee drinkers as we are? Nothing wrong with that. In fact I like a cuppa tea too. Usually my drink of choice before a good nights slumber.

3. Hooters: I'm sorry... but this place shouldn't be alive here in the States either. Is this really a restaurant we want representing our food culture? Or our culture in general?

4. Hard Rock Cafe: Okay, I kind of agree with Ozzie Ozzie on this one... Their burgers and stuff aren't bad but aren't the best, the atmosphere is fun but only awesome if you're with awesome people and yeah its over priced in my bood... Especially I bet being that Australia... it's usually twice as pricey. I can imagine why this one didn't make it.

5. Pizza Franchises such as Pizza Hut: Now... This one bugs me... only because I love pizza AND I had Dominos while in Australia and it was terrible! It was nothing like here. The pizzas were small and not at all worth what you pay for. Even the Dominos in India was better than the one in Australia. I also tried a local pizza joint too in AUS and I wasn't impressed with it either. Here in the States we have lots of awesome little Italian joints that do Pizza even better than the franchises like Dominos and Pizza Hut. My family usually goes for Italian Bistro... a really awesome little place in our little town. BEST! There are also some really amazing Pizza places in the City that I very much enjoy and don’t mind at all going to. I'm afraid the little on what I've experienced... Australia's take on Pizza is totally different than ours. Not a bad thing... Just different... If you’re visiting Australia and really want Pizza I don’t know that you’ll find what you’re looking for... But I haven’t explored it enough to know... So maybe next time I’ll find it... But I’m totally up to a new take and experience.

6. Taco Bell: It didn’t make it... Sad face. Its not even real Mexican food! But when in a rush or needing a cheaper alternative its definitely a way to go. I remember eating Taco Bell in Guatemala... It was a bit different. Random Fact: Sour cream in all countries seems to taste very different and have a slightly different consitancy... hmm. If they had Taco Bell still in Australia I imagine I’d try and get some... often. This makes me want a taco bell chalupa real bad... With fire sauce.

7.Baskin Robins: I can’t vouch for BR. We grew up going to Braum’s. When in India my team went to Baskins but I was sick that day and wasn’t with them.

8. The Cookie Man Food Fran: I’ve never even heard of it... But I do love cookies.

9. Quiznos: I’ve only had it a couple of times... I guess when I spend money on food I prefer other foods over subs. There are many Sandwich joints here in the States. McAlister’s is probably a better option I’m guessing? But apparently in this case it wasn’t about people not going... It was legal issues?

10. Sizzler: Have I heard of this place? Did we ever have one around these parts? I’ve never been. Bad break for these guys though.

So that’s my evaluation of the failed American brands in Oz...

I do want to note though that there have been some successful ones too...

Such as McDonald’s (no judgy on McD capeesh!?!), KFC, Hungry Jacks (AKA Burger King) and Subway... Just to name some that I know of.

We do food differently. That’s awesome. It makes us different places and that’s why people travel... To experience new places and new varieties of things... To get away from the typical. But I also understand the desire of while being so far away from home wishing you had a piece of it... And for me food is usually the best way to be reminded of home... Even crap fast food! Hahaha

My brother, Chris.

Chris is one of the most admirable people I have ever known if not THE most admirable person I know. He is not only my brother but my best friend and role model whom I look up to. I have sought advice from him so much through out our lives. He’s a good listener but can play it tough and shut me up in an instant. He makes me think and want to learn and be a better person. He has helped me extend my mind beyond the blocks I have created around it. He is sturdy and stubborn. He knows who he is and what he believes in and won’t waffle for a second. He is strong, courteous and courageous. I have watched him become a man of good character which is something most guys these days would beg to have but would fall short of in a rat race. He is honest, peaceful and good hearted. Piece of advice though... I wouldn’t punch his buttons if I were you! I have been notorious for being his biggest button pusher. Sure... I’ve known him his whole life... I definitely feel like I would be the expert of knowing what his buttons are and am a definite pro at hitting them on the head. However, if anyone else were to push his buttons or push anything about him I feel I might have to do a little bit more than push theirs... That means total inhalation of your brain if you say one ugly thing, or lay your pitiful hand on him! See the thing is... I can pick on my brother and its sort of okay... I mean really it shouldn’t be okay at all for me to pick on him but back in the day I made it okay. Here’s the rest of the unwritten rule of sibs... If someone else were to come along and mess with him, man, I don’t care who you are... I don’t care if your big, little, smart, stupid, the kid next door, Terrel Owens, The queen of england, the pope or whoever! I will literally kick your asssssssk me how hard! I’m not even joking so don’t for a second think that i’m joking. I have a few references I could give you if you think I wouldn’t have the guts nor the strength. Now back to being proud of my brother. He has done things I don’t know that I could have ever done or accomplished. He has made sacrifices and has had the will power and determination I feel I lack. My brother is the best of me times 100 and he could beat me out of a comedic battle if put to the challenge. He could out wit and out think me in any scenario. But don’t dare expect any such display in public. He is both modest and humble both very honorable things. Not to mention he is full of raw talent and has the capacity to learn things very quickly and with ease. He is the determined sort. When he puts his mind to something there is nothing stopping him. Me on the other hand have a need for lots of pushes and shoves and basically need someone to hold my hand constantly. My brother is very intellectual. I tell him constantly I don’t know what I’d do without him and that is the truth! I am not the most intelligent being especially in regards to facts. I am definitely on ‘a need to know basis’ type person and he is a ‘know everything on the face of the earth and its existence’ type person. All that to say he is super smart and when I have a question about anything especially in regards to history, politics or the Bible he is my go to man. I don’t want to put him on the spot with a bunch of people... He doesn’t know everything but he sure knows a lot more than I do and I would say he’s a genius in his own right. We have definitely had our ups and downs, misunderstandings, disagreements in life and don’t always see eye to eye on different subjects but usually its things that are so petty to the big picture they don’t even come close to matter. We have had our issues and have actually fought on rare occasions but nothing has changed our friendship. I’ve been gone awhile... And it hurts to be so far away and distant. Yes there is a reconnecting point that is hard to reach but our history is so deeply rooted. That’s where we start. Our roots... Only way to grow from the roots is up. I am so glad to have a brother who cares about me, who loves me and wants the best for me. We’ve all gone through a lot in our family. We’ve all had very hard times both collectively and personally. I’ve watched my brother through every circumstance and he has always shown himself to be noble. Though its been hard for him at times he has always made it through troubles, disappointments, sad times and heartaches. I couldn’t be more proud of who he is. Of course I’m so proud of what he’s accomplished with his life thus far and I can’t wait to see what is in store for him to come. But its not the physical accomplishments I’m truly proud of... Its not his edu, his job or his busy schedule I find myself being proud of though I am proud of those things. Its his heart. Its him. I’m just proud of him. And the only reason I need to be proud of him is because he is my brother. I am proud of my brother not because of what he does. I am proud of him because who he is! Chris, I know most people who read this may not understand what i’m trying to convey but I want you to know I am proud of you. I’m proud to be known as Chris’ sister. I’m proud that you are who you are. I’m glad you follow Christ. I’m glad you know who you are. I’m glad you’ve come so far... But putting all things aside... I am just so stinking proud of you! I love you! You Are the BEST! Triumph!

I’m distressed by your petty arguments, your frivolous acts of rage, your aimless desire to scream. Do you not have any meat on your bones? You talk foolishly about others and continue pointing your finger but never live up to your own troubles. You seem to be haunted by a desire for attention, for drama and always needing to be right. I am sad for you, I pity your arrogance, your soul mourns and smells of soot. You’re the walking dead. It is hard to watch as you crumble. Your wrinkles from anger, your illnesses from bitterness, your tired ways from selfish deceit. I’m sorry for you. I’m sorry for your life as it is not the real life worth living. I pray you will take this in love and not measure it to my own struggles for this is not a comparison of evil intent. I am fully aware of my ways and where I am wrong in them and I easily would admit them to your face. This is my concern for your heart and well being. I care for your spirit deeply and know your heart cries out for change. I want to understand because I know that is the only way to love but will you be still and give me the chance? To busy making a point, to busy being enraged. Will you give a moment for breathing, for life, for the hand of love to touch your brokenness? My selfish desire is to see you fall only to see justice rise... But I am wrong in that. When I turn my face toward the Lord He gives me sadness for you. He gives me prayer for you. He helps me embrace your pain and brings compassion to my heart for you. I want to know, I want to understand, I want to see victory and freedom in your eyes. This sad day I hope not to remember... I hope it to be eclipsed by God’s empowering love. I hope the faults and lies to be conquered by the word of the Lord and turn ashes in to beauty in a moments time. Turn your eyes to Him, allow Him to show you peace, joy, hope, faith and love. You can only get it from Him. He is the only way you can be transformed. Give Him the light of day, give Him the opportunity. Stop hiding your face from Him. Stop hardening your heart! Be desperate before Him. He is the only one that can save us from our selves!

I was writing in my personal, electronic journal (that’s what we shall call it) about a pet peeve I have acquired that has sadly and undesirably helped me to grow reluctant to give ear towards certain types of people. A personal hardship I have seen in many a man’s life. It is saddening and alarming and a bit unnerving. It brings distress to my heart and makes me want to give up when I see the enemy overcoming a life and in turn harming others. As I was writing a tad bitterly of my personal pet peeve(rabbit trail: as I’ve grown in number I have learned I actually have pet peeves... I used to think I didn’t... Which I may have not at the time) I decided I should pause, take a venting break and seek the Lord. In my search for a specific verse that I have yet to find I ran across this passage below and found my strength to overcome within and pray for the poor souls that are being conquered right now.... And my own soul to not be overcome by such deceit as well. I desire humility in writing all of this knowing I am not above anyone who struggles with my peeve and understanding the spiritual warfare significance in things. It is possible I may one day share the furry, unpleasant pet fiend in which I have grown very not fond of but for the moment I think it best to leave in peace with a praise on my lips for God in thanking Him for teaching me His ways and helping me in my own struggles in which I am a possible peeve to another.

In Him,

Ash

Psalm 37

Of David.

1 ^[a^] Do not fret because of evil men

or be envious of those who do wrong;

2 for like the grass they will soon wither,
like green plants they will soon die away.

3 Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

4 Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

5 Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:

6 He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when men succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.

8 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
do not fret—it leads only to evil.

9 For evil men will be cut off,
but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land.

10 A little while, and the wicked will be no more;
though you look for them, they will not be found.

11 But the meek will inherit the land
and enjoy great peace.

12 The wicked plot against the righteous
and gnash their teeth at them;

13 but the Lord laughs at the wicked,
for he knows their day is coming.

14 The wicked draw the sword
and bend the bow
to bring down the poor and needy,
to slay those whose ways are upright.

15 But their swords will pierce their own hearts,
and their bows will be broken.

16 Better the little that the righteous have
than the wealth of many wicked;

17 for the power of the wicked will be broken,
but the LORD upholds the righteous.

18 The days of the blameless are known to the LORD,
and their inheritance will endure forever.

19 In times of disaster they will not wither;
in days of famine they will enjoy plenty.

20 But the wicked will perish:
The LORD's enemies will be like the beauty of the fields,
they will vanish—vanish like smoke.

21 The wicked borrow and do not repay,
but the righteous give generously;

22 those the LORD blesses will inherit the land,
but those he curses will be cut off.

23 If the LORD delights in a man's way,
he makes his steps firm;

24 though he stumble, he will not fall,
for the LORD upholds him with his hand.

25 I was young and now I am old,
yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken
or their children begging bread.

26 They are always generous and lend freely;
their children will be blessed.

27 Turn from evil and do good;
then you will dwell in the land forever.

28 For the LORD loves the just
and will not forsake his faithful ones.
They will be protected forever,
but the offspring of the wicked will be cut off;

29 the righteous will inherit the land
and dwell in it forever.

30 The mouth of the righteous man utters wisdom,
and his tongue speaks what is just.

31 The law of his God is in his heart;
his feet do not slip.

32 The wicked lie in wait for the righteous,
seeking their very lives;

33 but the LORD will not leave them in their power
or let them be condemned when brought to trial.

34 Wait for the LORD
and keep his way.
He will exalt you to inherit the land;
when the wicked are cut off, you will see it.

35 I have seen a wicked and ruthless man
flourishing like a green tree in its native soil,

36 but he soon passed away and was no more;
though I looked for him, he could not be found.

37 Consider the blameless, observe the upright;
there is a future ^[b^] for the man of peace.

38 But all sinners will be destroyed;
the future ^[c^] of the wicked will be cut off.

39 The salvation of the righteous comes from the LORD;
he is their stronghold in time of trouble.

40 The LORD helps them and delivers them;
he delivers them from the wicked and saves them,
because they take refuge in him.

As I sit here taking in the aromas of my herbal tea; smells of chamomile, lemon grass, spearmint and vanilla. I sit in the blissfulness of quiet. The only noise singing is the sound of air swiftly whispering through the vents. Right now my mind rivals with my heart... Doubts, fears, thoughts of love and future. Why do the lights turn on and the wheels turn in my head once the moon tells bedtime stories and the stars sing lullabies? Every night I am positively overwhelmed with pondering mostly about how my life ought to be.

I think and wonder near every night if I did not one thing that brought glory to my Father’s name. I ask have I been living lately as if tomorrow will never come and I feel obligated to tell you I haven’t.

There are days I think about if I had chosen another path or route for my life what it would be like. I know with out a shadow of a doubt that I am to go into all the world, be light of love and move people toward and forward with Jesus but I have my moments where I am curious as to in what ways things would be different if I had gone another direction or took a different turn at the intersection. I know these thoughts are futile and would be considered foolish as well. They are mindless and get you no where. If anything good could come from it may be that it could motivate one to do their very best for what they have at hand. I like that. I’ll stick with it.

Though all in vain those thoughts seem to be I still stumble on the conclusion that I am surely pursuing, even ever so slowly what I was created to do. No regrets, no turning around, no second glances. The grass always looks greener on the other side but most of us when faced with the reality of it know its usually brown and prickly. I am more than thankful for being called God’s child and being in the family (God’s family) business. It is a treasure that cannot be concealed but instead shared with excitement and brilliance.

My life is not to be about success or what I do with my time, its that my heart was and is in the right place as I step. Man looks on the outside yet God looks at the very organ that pumps life through your veins.

I seem to want a lot now and not have to wait. I wish I could toss certain things in life into the microwave, wait a couple minutes then BING! The work is done. I’m trying very hard to enjoy the process of life and not take any second of it for granted. Even the hard, growing experiences that are little less than pleasurable.

Our life is but a speck of dust blown away by a gust in a split of a second. It has been weighed, it has been measured... Has it been found wanting?

We choose so much in our lives and our choices affect a lot of the outcome not only in our own lives but in others around us. We hold so much in our own hands. Nothing is yet set in cold stone. But like a new breath, so is a new day, a new song, a new choice and a new pathway.

There is this saying that says, ‘whenever God closes a door He always opens a window”. In regards to that I have heard that when He does such a thing... if He opens a window the only way to go through it is for us to fly and we wouldn’t fly unless He has given us the wings to do it. I have wings. Why do I tie them down so with string? Someone please pass the scissors?

Oh my mind... Inspiration is around every corner, in every crack in every glimmer in every avant-garde word. I like sleeping in different places around the house. I’m indescribably appreciative of having my own bed which is more than anyone could ever ask for and I use it more often then not but at times I find myself not content with the same arrangement and will find another place to rest my head, though only as if in the boundaries of my families house. I am currently down stairs in the living room. I find that being in a familiar place that I don’t typically spend time sleeping in gives a certain calming and refreshment to my soul. The atmosphere is different. The sounds are different. The feel is different. Yet I am comfortable because I know where I am.

As I allow myself here to run away with words I cannot describe the motion that I feel, the release I give off even though it is all jumbled up notes that don’t resemble my outside apparatus. I am able to get rid of the structure or lack there of that my brain intently holds onto and be some what more productive than a whimsical dream world or laboratory of intense battles between heart and mind or an endless circle of provoking thoughts that never get me anywhere.

I’m tired and distressed about only thinking, always fearing, never ending, always moving, getting no where, seemingly lazy, melancholy idleness I’ve seemed to drift in and can’t escape. Its not true! There’s the exit sign. I’m headed the right way even on a set of crutches... I will get there. And there’s my window opportunity. Stretch those wings and fly.

God is my defender. God is my delight. I trust Him. He will always be on my side. I have nothing to worry, nothing to hide. God is my best friend, my joy, my guide.

God,

I love you more than anything. I want to prove my love and your existence. I want to be humbled before you at your service. I want you to be the very center of everything that I do. I want people to see you when they look my direction and not an ounce of me. I want to move vigorously through your spirit lacking nothing. I want to live! I want to love! I want to be with You always. Thanks for being my friend. Thank you for listening to me. Thank you for the advice. Thank you for putting up with me and thank you dearly for creating me and giving me purpose.

Love,

Ash

Old man on the corner. He looks skinny, wrinkled and grumpy. I admire him sometimes. I feel bad for him sometimes. I wish good things for him all the time. He has a doggy. His life is his lawn and his best friend the dog. He smokes a pipe sometimes. He has a woman neighbor friend. I don’t know which house she belongs to. She also has a dog that she takes on walks. They will both be out with their dogs and stop on the sidewalk by the shade tree and talk. I often wonder if he has family that visits. Is he all alone? Would he gripe if I said hello? I’m never over at that end of the street, nor the other. I only ever drive by his house. He technically lives on the last connecting street that leads out of my neighborhood. I’ve always been curious about him but have never let my curiosity run deep enough to reach out. Sad, I know. I think my biggest thought now days goes to, does he have family or people around him that love and cherish him. Have people tried and has he received it with care or pushed it away?

Elderly people are still people. I feel that my generation has been taught to push them away and put them in their own genre of people, as if they are not really people at all when indeed they are the very people that birthed our parents and even our parents parents and in turn birthed us. Tell me... As you get a day older do you still believe you are a person? Say 50 days down the road do you believe you’ll still be a person? A person who thinks, feels, understands? And tell me this... How much more do you know about life, yourself and possibly God now than say 10 years ago? You’ve grown older now... So does this mean you may have grown in wisdom?

Wisdom. There is a lot of wisdom in age. People who have grown in number have also experienced a good number. They have seen, heard and felt blessings, curses, heartaches and serenity. Older people. The elderly. The ones of hair with gray. They have stories we can learn by. They have understanding we can live by. They have knowledge we can gather. They have perspective we can apply. They ARE relevant to our time and we need them here with us to speak into our lives and for us to speak into there’s before time runs its course in full. Though an older one may have great discernment I’m sure not saying they are all knowing. As a matter of a fact I truly believe that they, yes even they too can still learn... Even from a young one.

Out of the mouths of babes. “Let the little children come unto me”. The words of a child are innocent and usually very truthful and blunt. They will blurt out anything and everything as they see it. Naive and blissful they may come but even though that’s the case they hold the key to the Father’s heart. They are blessed and welcomed because they are humble and pure. They run around playing without a care because they trust so easily. They are eager to sit in Daddy’s lap to hear a bed time story and reverently fall asleep on His chest to the depth of His voice and the rhythm of His heart. They are willing. They are open books with blank pages ready to be filled with love, joy, peace, dreams and hope. They are energetic and vibrant.

Two different generations, both looked down upon. You’re too old. You should be put away. You’re life is basically over. You have nothing to offer. You’re only a burden.

You’re too young. Send those kids off. They’re nothing but trouble. Too much for me to handle. I have my own life to live. You’re only a burden.

That makes me sad inside to the point it may show itself in watery eyes. How dare we push people away! How dare anyone look down upon another human as if they were better. How dare we call people that brought us up and into the world a burden. How dare we call the people we brought in this world who bring such joy they are not worthy. We are talking about human beings, lives, souls, hearts, minds, and spirits! They are worth treasure upon treasures of our time, honor, respect, dignity and love. They each individually hold gifts, talents, thoughts and the like that deserve our utmost regard and must be valued. If you hold any esteem for life you will appreciate every living being that breathes. From the young to the old. We were not meant to be divided by units or boxed into categories. We were meant to be family, one body, one accord. To love one another as Christ loves us.

And oh YES! He does love us...

End.

PS- Thought provoking? I believe the way you treat animals and the way you drive shows a lot about your character and how you view a life...

Going through my things. Not the first time, but each time its like digging into your childhood. Have I ever mentioned I keep everything? Well... I am a pack rat... I keep everything. Letters, cards, papers, nick-nacks, stuffed animals, glow in the dark dinosaurs. Yep, you read correctly. Each time I start to go through my belongings, my junk, my treasures, I get better and better at realizing I don’t need it, yes, good memories and sweet things still in tacked, but they are doing no good sitting in a box in a closet or an attic. Balance. I also believe its okay to keep useless things within reason. I mean, think how wonderful it would be to one day pull out an old chest full of treasure and written birthday cards or special ol’ letters for your grand kids to see. I have always loved seeing old things pulled out by my greats, grands and parents. Yes, I like this. And so I go on to say, sure it may take me several years to finally narrow my stuff down to a single box, but for me, I am making much progress, and with my mother’s help I am organizing. She’s great with that.

Organization has never come second nature to me. I have to really work at it. I’m coming around to not being ashamed that I am messy, but rather admit that I am and work on it from there. I don’t feel its a terrible violation to be messy. Obviously if its gross and unruly that can be a drastic problem. I also understand “messy” can be a sign of “lazy” which is an embarrassing assumption. I have read many things about personalities though and taken tests and quizzes, because they intrigue me, and my personality tends to be less organized and more of the messy sort. I’ve also read it can be a sign that creativity runs through your veins. You just have to be cautious I guess that your colorful, marker-ed up shoes don’t trip somebody. All interesting thoughts. Even though [my mess] possibly has a little bit to do with the way I’m built and created I am asking for God’s grace to help me to gain a skill for not being such a clutter mutt.

Mongrel. Sounds so derogatory, but really its not. Its just many different mixes, breeds, or origins. I love personalities. I love learning how people work, the way they think, tick, tock and seeing what they’re good at. I have always enjoyed personality tests, comparing notes and then going, ‘wow, that is definitely you’. Even the traits that may seem not so appealing of ones personality I am trying to even see those on a brighter level. Personality differences are fun...errr... They can be. We’ve all come across those personalities that drive us up the wall. Heck, I may even be one of those personalities that drive you up the wall. But if we were all the same, we wouldn’t be different, and in turn we’d all be boring, and there would be no movie called the Wizard of Oz, which would be devastating to say the least. We’d all be Oz himself, I guess. Or those dreadful flying monkeys. What a travesty! Mmm... What mystery and wonder our personality brings. And what awesome hawaiian punch packedness it is! I mean, think of all the giftings people have! If all of it were used in a unified way... Wow... This is another story. Anchors away! The body of Christ. Oh the blood of Jesus, it washes white as snow. But back to different soil...

Origins. Ancestry. Tree. My roots have sprouted. I am moving into the next chapter of my book. A ship in a bottle is only good for looking magnificent, but really, what purpose does it have unless the glass around it is broken for it to set sail on the great waters? A rubber ducky can’t fly.... I mean the bubbles have been fun, but I have been given wings. I sit here thinking and sadly biting my nails(another bad habit that shadows me every once in awhile). There is a growing excitement inside of me. I’ve had trouble discerning the difference between my fear and butterflies. But I have killed that fear and buried it. Morbid but good. Though my eyes tear not in mourning my dead fear, but with a partially chipped heart. Truth be told that’s what it feels like I’m doing every time I think about leaving: chipping away at my heart. My family is so tight. SO TIGHT! I know its not goodbye, but how does that make it any easier? I love them so deeply. I watch myself in my imagination fly away, waving, trying not to cry hysterically (because when it involves my family I’m allowed to be that dramatic). I see myself crossing huge oceans, flying through the clouds, counting the hours and hours and hours of how far away I am. But then God quickly takes my visual thoughts up, up, up even further up! And He shows me His view. Its me, getting on the plane, and flying away from home to another country, another time zone, but it only seems 5 seconds away, not even as far as going across the street. Its then that I realize He’s showing me that in Him what seems like 24 hours to me is only a minute, and what seems a half a world away is only but an inch.

Inches, feet, miles... God goes wherever I go. He is a good friend. He’s actually the best friend. I wonder sometimes why He still hangs around me. I’m not exactly the coolest, funniest, most stylish or greatest person to be around, and i’m certainly not always the best friend I could be to Him. I guess that just proves His awesome love. He is always asking me how I’m doing and I’m continually telling Him everything that is either wrong, or on those few occasions how everything is right! But I feel as if I seldom am a good enough friend to actually ask Him what’s up. I will sit and have coffee with Him as He patiently and even eagerly listens, as He sips His delish, piping hot, grande cup of black coffee (that’s what He had that day), while I chattered about, even spatted a few tears, while my mocha with an extra shot decided to chill. I am so thankful that there is actually someone trustworthy, loving, willing and wonderful enough to actually listen to me, even when I’m not making a lick of sense, sound foolish or ridiculous and am seeming to be on the more selfish side. Wow, that is some kind of friend! What a friend I’ve found...

I feel I haven’t publicly written something outside of the norm for a very, very long time. My mind is going wild with random dingers, gongs, whistles and the like. I could just write and write about stuff that may never make sense to anyone else, but the thought of just posting it and acting like people will actually read it is good enough for me. No, that isn’t a ploy to see if you read it, skimmed through it or just happened to see this part. I’m not asking for attention or acknowledgment that s you read it. in fact I’d probably rather not know that you’ve read it just to save me from embarrassment later on down the road when I actually read it. I really just genuinely like to write every now and again and I tend to find it complete when it is actually published. I am fully aware that it takes a very rare and special bird to actually desire to read and get through this sort of thing. I don’t expect anyone to actually read this. I honestly believe if I were a reader and not the writer, I personally would probably glance at it and think, “she’s got to be kidding me”, and then frolic away to something much for intellectually, if not more mindless.

There is more... Fin.